ONE: The 5.8-Percent Solution
Who better to eulogize the execrable Margaret Thatcher than the abysmal Sarah Palin? And so she has, in 1,002 suspiciously articulate words that appeared under Palin’s byline Monday courtesy of virtual fishwrap National Review Online. As Bob Cesca’s very entertaining dissection of the eulogy makes clear, Palin (or whichever staffer wrote this C-minus boilerplate on her behalf) is essentially paying tribute to Palin here, with telling lines about media persecution, ceilings (both glass and class), and misty-eyed praise for Thatcher’s supposed populism, her superhuman imperviousness to “childish attacks” from her political foes, her noble fetish for liberty, her salt-of-the-earth leadership, and her general maverickitudinous maverickosity.
With Thatcher now en route to meet her Maker for a lengthy and probably awkward discussion about the destructive effects of her policies, Palin seems to be banking on the dubious notion that conservatives everywhere yearn for a new Iron Lady. If she really aspires to assume the mantle, she might want to rethink her PAC, a widening sinkhole for the misdirected dollars of the faithful.
While SarahPAC describes itself as “dedicated to building America’s future by supporting fresh ideas and candidates who share our vision for reform and innovation,” its parsimony in supporting Republican candidates stands in garish contrast to its lavish disbursements on consultants and ancillary expenses, all of which adds renewed resonance to Palin’s longstanding reputation of pronounced carefreedom with other people’s money.
The PAC’s FEC filings for 2012 show that it spent $5,186,777, of which $80,000 was donated to Senate candidates, $213,500 to candidates in House races (including $10,000 to Allen West’s failed reelection bid and $2,500 to an Ohio Democrat, convicted felon Jeffrey Johnson), along with another $5,000 to the Romney campaign. If you’re interested in where the remaining $4,888,277 went, John Avlon provides some helpful details, after quoting Palin’s high-minded, cast-out-the-moneychangers rhetoric at this year’s CPAC:
“Now is the time to furlough the consultants, and tune out the pollsters, send the focus groups home and throw out the political scripts, because if we truly know what we believe, we don’t need professionals to tell us…”
Palin’s chief PAC consultant, Tim Crawford, pocketed more than $321,000 this election cycle in direct payments alone… Aries Petra Consulting was taking in between $6,000 and $8,000 a month for speechwriting and “grassroots consulting”—something that sounds like an oxymoron, but ended up costing north of $160,000. C&M Transcontinental racked up $10,000 a month in management consulting, which is hard to imagine for a PAC whose job is simply to raise money and spend it on candidates.
I do have to take issue with that last point. Given that this is Sarah Palin’s political action committee, it’s hard to imagine that things could have gone any differently.
TWO: Hanging Party
The Alaska GOP’s Anchorage headquarters, a building with all the curb appeal of a bait shack or a three-for-the-price-of-one taqueria, last week became the epicenter of what one insider described as a “civil war for the soul of the Alaska Republican Party.”
Sweet.
The war actually began back in January when chair-elect Russ Millette was ousted by the party’s executive committee a day before he was due to begin his term. The position was then assumed by vice-chair-elect Debbie Brown, whose political skills seem to fall just a tad short of making friends and influencing people. Whatever the machinations over the span of the last weeks, Brown eventually alienated a sufficient proportion of the executive committee that she felt it necessary to have the locks at 1001 West Fireweed Lane changed, while she hightailed it out of the state. The committee then organized an impromptu meeting in the parking lot of the shuttered HQ before deciding they looked too ridiculous there. After moving the meeting to the boardroom of an engineering firm, they deliberated for nearly five hours and finally voted Brown out.
But this isn’t over yet. Failed GOP Senate candidate Joe Miller yesterday posted a scan of a letter from Alicé Leuchte, party secretary, affirming that Brown’s April 8 removal was invalid. Meanwhile, in her capacity as state party chair, Brown is attending the RNC’s spring meeting in California, as is Peter Goldberg, whom the executive committee installed in her place. The new locks at 1001 West Fireweed Lane are apparently still virgo intacta, and the Alaska Republican Party is still reeling.
Isn’t it obvious what they need to do? If she’s not at home in Wasilla or Scottsdale, the executive committee might find Governor Palin speeding down the wrong side of the road somewhere between Land’s End and John o’Groats, stumping to overthrow David Cameron. The Alaska Republican Party’s Iron Lady awaits, unless of course the British outbid them.
THREE: Far Out
In a week where President Obama, with apparent seriousness, described Margaret Thatcher as “one of the great champions of freedom and liberty” and unveiled a budget that calls for the implementation of a chained CPI framework for future Social Security increases, I suppose nothing else should seem shocking. Yet I was shocked just the same to see WND’s Joseph Farah offer up an alternative to war on the Korean peninsula:
I say forget about talking to Kim.
I say forget about considering plans for invading North Korea.
I say there’s an alternative to bombing the country’s nuclear installations to prevent a future holocaust.
Let’s try bombing the people with support.
Let’s try carpet-bombing North Korea with food, with small arms and munitions and the instructions they need to overthrow the little despot who keeps them in chains.
Let’s try extending our hands in love to the people of North Korea…
Holy crap! Farah had better watch his step; if he ever advocates carpet-bombing poor, hungry Americans with food, WND’s zero-information readership will overrun his offices, brand his buttocks with the words “Filthy Hippie” and push him out of a helicopter somewhere over Marin County.
Mercifully, reality came back into focus when a voice from beyond the grave addressed the North Korea issue this week. The voice belonged to Dick Cheney (who lacks the good manners to actually die) and he had a sit-down with Congressional Republican leaders Tuesday, offering no policy prescriptions but reminding them that the most important thing is to start with a solid foundation of paranoia:
“We’re in deep doo doo,” Cheney told lawmakers, according to a GOP leadership aide.
Details of the meeting were relayed by Florida Congressman Steve Southerland, who:
… said Cheney wore a cowboy hat and “looked really good, spoke really clearly, lucidly.”
“It was nice to see him doing well,” Southerland said, noting the last time Cheney was on Capitol Hill he “didn’t look good – very frail, but in this meeting he looked great.”
Well, that is a shame. But what else did Cheney have to say?
Cheney talked about the North Korean leader, Southerland said, and shared some of his history dealing with Saddam Hussein, noting “you never know what they’re thinking.”
Which is odd, because I recall Dick Cheney sounding pretty damned sure he knew precisely what Saddam was thinking a decade ago when he ordered his assistant George to invade Iraq.
FOUR: The Continuing Story of Karl Rove
In other war criminal news this week, I was delighted to see Karl Rove get a speaking engagement at UMass Amherst this week. In fact, his appearance exceeded my wildest hopes:
Seconds into his speech, protestors starting screaming out every few moments, yelling things like “murderer”…
UMass Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy even took the microphone at one point, noticeably upset at the outbursts.
Police eventually escorted protestors from the auditorium.
FIVE: Crackers
Patti Burke of Melbourne, Florida loves God and Goldfish crackers. She reportedly goes through two to three pounds of the latter weekly, but her Holy Week consumption this year was lower by one cracker, a cracker that moves in mysterious ways, its wonders to perform:
“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special… He had a cross on him, and he had a crown circle up by his head. Something I’ve never seen before out of all the Goldfish I’ve eaten.”
As it happens, Scott Worth, Burke’s pastor at the Church of the Good Shepherd, commented in his Easter sermon about the fish as a Christian symbol, and after being apprised of Burke’s find, he refuses to believe that all this was coincidence:
“It was very interesting that God put that on my heart to speak about that, and Patti found her Goldfish with the sign of the cross on it.
“I think it’s a sign. I think it points to, I would hesitate to call it a miracle, but I think it points to the miracle, which is Jesus Christ defeated death. And that’s what Easter is all about.”
Well, that and snack food, of course. While Burke feels the Goldfish is “a sign from God, that… he is still in our life every day and he wants to show that to his people,” she’s open to more input:
“I called Pepperidge Farm and said, ‘Hey, do you have some special promotion going on, I think I’ve got the lucky fish…’ They called me back and said there’s no way this could have been printed like that in the factory. … They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don’t know how it happened.”
Burke even tried to send the company pictures of the cracker, but said when she got the photos developed at Walgreen’s, none of the pictures turned out.
“I talked to my mom,” Burke said. “She said maybe it’s an angel.”
Maybe. Whatever it is, if it has anything in common with a standard, non-miraculous Goldfish, I’m sure it tastes divine.